Love to Hate: An Enemies-to-Lovers Romance (Only Him Series Book 3) Read online

  All of a sudden, Jamie grabbed hold of my shoulders and pulled me upright onto my knees. Then his hands worked their way around to my front, and he stroked his gentle hands along my balls. I leaned back into him, succumbing to him, unable to resist anything. I couldn’t even remember my own name anymore, never mind anything else.

  Eventually, Jamie tugged and teased at my length, combining that with his own thrusts and I damn near lost my mind.

  Everything was happening all at once.

  It was all too damn much, yet somehow it felt perfect. I wanted everything from Jamie, and thought that maybe this was a wonderful, once in a lifetime opportunity.

  The hot bliss caught me off guard. One moment it was pooling in my stomach, the next it had exploded loudly and consumed me whole. It was an intense wave, a crazy crashing blast that had me screaming and thrashing, buckling under the power of it all. I lifted from the ground, I floated high and wild, and I felt hotter than ever before. And through it all, Jamie clung to me, holding onto me, fixing me in place, supporting me during my most vulnerable time.

  I’d always liked Jamie. I had wanted him for ages. I’d spent a lot of my time trying to prove myself to him.

  Maybe I never admitted it, even to myself, but that was what a lot of this was all about. I felt something for him the very first moment that I met him, but I knew that I’d never be good enough. Jamie deserved someone incredible, someone much better than me.

  “Oh Ashton,” Jamie hissed into my ear as the pleasure got him.

  Hearing him call my name out like that in the throes of passion made me like him even more. I felt like I could truly fall for him, if I allowed myself to, and if he let me. But of course, this wasn’t about that. I couldn’t let myself get carried away. I had to remember that it was all just a moment of madness, never to be repeated, however good it felt.

  Jamie

  I didn’t even need to open my eyes to sense the awkwardness that clung to the air. I could barely breathe through the thickness of it all.

  To be fair, it had been a wild night that had turned even crazier in the end, but did it have to be so difficult? I almost didn’t want this morning to be real, because then I wouldn’t need to accept it.

  I turned onto my side and dared to peek, just a little bit, just to see Ashton already lying there with his eyes wide open, almost as if he hadn’t slept all night long. His expression was blank, but I could tell that there were hundreds of thoughts tearing through his mind. Now I just needed to try and find a way to coax them out of it. Unfortunately, over the last couple of days, I’d learned that Ashton Carnn wasn’t much of a talker.

  “Are you okay?” I practically whispered cautiously. “Ashton? You look a little… pale?”

  He didn’t say anything at first. He just stayed exactly as he was, but eventually, he twisted around to look at me, and I could instantly see hurt in the back of his gaze.

  “Yeah, I think so,” he replied, sounding very uncomfortable. “It’s all just a little weird, isn’t it? I mean, what’s going to happen next?”

  “With regards to...?” There were a lot of issues at stake here, and he could’ve been talking about any of them. “The loan shark? The business?” Still, he said nothing.

  “Us?” I dared to venture, feeling a little weird even discussing it. What if Ashton only saw it as a one-night stand? How humiliating would that be?

  “Well, all of it I suppose. I have a lot on my plate, don’t I? I still need to find a way to pay them back before they do something terrible to me, and I also need to make things right with you...”

  “Don’t worry about my business for the time being,” I told him kindly, while slowly rubbing his shoulders. “You just worry about getting yourself back on your feet first.”

  “No, that’s too kind, I can’t... I couldn’t...” he stammered sadly.

  “Ashton,” I said much firmer. “I don’t want to hear it. Spark Enterprises will be fine; I will make sure of it. Please, don’t send yourself into a meltdown right now. Just worry about getting yourself sorted. You don’t have an easy road ahead of you, but you are capable of getting it sorted. You’ve always had people helping you out, now it’s time to prove that you have balls and go out and do it yourself. Don’t you want to prove your father wrong?”

  Ashton sat up and stared off into the distance. “You know what, you’re right. But not about my father, I suddenly don’t give a shit about his opinion anymore. I’ve spent my whole life caring, but now I don’t.”

  I paused for a moment, wondering if he was going to mention the other thing that we needed to discuss, but he said nothing. I couldn’t put any pressure on, after all, we weren’t exactly a priority right now. He needed to be worried about himself.

  “So, do you want a coffee or something?” I slid out from the sheets wanting to seem totally cool with the way that things were going, but really I just wanted a moment to myself. “I’ll just go and boil the kettle while you get dressed.”

  Idiot! I cursed myself as I raced from the room.

  Idiot! I’d probably just made him feel like I wanted him to go, which was the total opposite of my true desire.

  ***

  “Ah, you’re back,” Gio grinned as I strolled through the door to the office. “We missed you yesterday. Did you have a good day off?”

  I wanted to laugh loudly as he asked me this, how little he could possibly know. It had been the worst and best day of my entire life, yet to Gio, it was just another day.

  “Erm yes, it was productive.”

  “Did you decide what to do about our little problem?” He moved closer to me as he said that, trying not to let the whole building overhear. “You know, I was a little afraid that you’d end up doing something rash anyway, despite what we talked about.”

  “Who me?” I acted incredulously and moved into my office with Gio not far behind me. “You know me. I’m very practical and rational.”

  “So, what are you going to do?” Gio perched on the edge of my desk and eyed me curiously. “We need to do something, right?”

  I sighed deeply and hated myself a little bit for giving in. Still, this wasn’t just about me now. I understood the situation; this was the only way to do things to keep everyone happy.

  “Well actually, I think we do nothing. Without any solid evidence, what can we prove? If we go forward with barely anything, we’ll just look like we’re trying to get out of it. I think we just work on rebuilding our reputation. If we put our heads down and work hard, then we’ll be back on top soon.”

  “Are you sure?” I wasn’t surprised by Gio’s shock; it was a massive turn of events. “Is that really what you think we should do?”

  I looked at him and said nothing. I didn’t feel like explaining more.

  “It’s what you think we should do, isn’t it?” Gio shrugged, still a little speechless. “Well there you go then, you’re the smartest person that I know, and now that I’ve calmed down, I can see that you were right all along. We need to just work.”

  Gio nodded slowly and stood up to move away from my office. “I don’t know what changed your mind, Jamie, but I’m glad that it did. I think this is the right way for us to deal with it all.”

  As he left me behind closing the door on his way out, I felt the mask slip away a little. It was hard to keep this large, fake smile on my face when my inners were in turmoil.

  I had no idea what was going on with Ashton. We left things very much in the air, neither of us discussing things any further. He went to his office and I went to mine, and that was the end of it. I didn’t even know if he wanted to speak again or not. It all seemed very... final.

  That made me realize how much I really didn’t want it to be final.

  I wanted more from Ashton.

  I should’ve told him at the time what I wanted us to be, sod everything else going on around us, but I didn’t. I simply said nothing and let him go. I liked him, and last night only confirmed that. I really liked him and if we didn’
t have any crap around us then maybe we could explore that further, but what could I do now? I felt like I had absolutely no choice, that the decision had been taken out of my hands.

  Or did I? Was there something that I could do? Maybe if I could help to get rid of all the other issues getting in our way, then we could just be?

  There was only one way I could find out.

  Ashton

  I felt dissatisfied, even as I ignored the call from my father. There was a chance that he was finally calling to offer me the help that I so desperately needed, maybe he’d had a change of heart. I watched the screen, eventually seeing his number die, but I didn’t feel like there was any glee inside.

  Without Jamie here to share my news with, there wasn’t anything to feel good about.

  I missed him, a lot. His lack of presence weighed heavily on my heart, but since we hadn’t had any kind of discussion about whether or not we would ever make an effort to see one another again, I wasn’t sure what to do. I wanted to call him, to reach out to him, and to thank him for sticking to his side of things. So far he’d kept quiet about what I’d done, allowing me to work on earning some serious money to pay back the loan shark, and I was grateful for that, but was it enough to call him about it?

  “Hey, Ashton?” Tara’s voice burst through my thought bubble. “I just wanted you to know that Rob landed the GTF account. I know that’s a huge one so I thought some good news might cheer you up a little.”

  I smiled brightly at her, glad to have such a wonderful team on my side. They’d really stepped up and started working extra hard, slotting into this new world where we were on top for a moment. It was all very positive, but still not quick enough. I might not have heard anything for a few days now, but that didn’t mean the loan shark wasn’t still out there, plotting his next move. I kept waiting for another letter, another kidnapping attempt, but nothing happened.

  He was torturing me. He knew that the anticipation was almost worse than anything else. I could barely stand it. I’d become even more of a terrified, jittery mess than before. I continually fidgeted. I couldn’t even think about sitting still, because my mind was constantly all over the place. It was lucky everyone else was pulling together because I was falling apart.

  “That’s great, Tara. Thank you very much. Tell the guys I will be out later on to congratulate them.”

  “They will like to hear that, motivation is at an all-time high at the moment. It’s been really good. It’s nice to know that some good can come out of the mess of someone else’s business.”

  Her words made me want to vomit. It built that guilt right back up again. “Yes well, it’s more down to the team’s hard work rather than anything else.” I needed the conversation to end. I couldn’t talk about it anymore without dying completely inside, but of course, Tara didn’t realize that.

  “Well, as I’m sure you know it helps that they love and respect you...”

  “Thank you, Tara.” I couldn’t stand to hear compliments; it was all too much. “I will be out in a while, okay?”

  “Sure, boss, thanks.”

  She clicked the door shut behind her, which allowed me to let out a deep breath of air that I hadn’t even realized I was holding, and the tension around my shoulders slipped away for a second.

  I hadn’t been myself ever since that night, and I wasn’t sure how long it’d take until I got back to the old me.

  I grabbed my cell phone once more, and scrolled through the numbers I had stored in my phone book, until I landed on Jamie’s name. He gave it to me all those years ago and I’d kept it in there under the pretense that I wanted to keep my enemy close. I guess deep down, I never let go of the hope that we could be friends again.

  Or more.

  ‘Hi Jamie, I hope things are good with you...’

  Urgh, no, that was too much. It made me sound wimpy and stupid, like I’d forgotten all that I’d put him through, or that I wanted him to no longer remember.

  ‘Jamie, could we speak?’

  I cocked my head to one side and examined my words, wondering how they’d be received. Would Jamie assume that I wanted to chat to him about something urgent and important? Possibly something to do with the loan shark? But what else could I say? How could I tell him that I just wanted to see his face again without sounding desperate and pitiful?

  Still, I didn’t know what else I could say, so I hit send without even thinking about it. Then I sat. I sat and I stared at the screen needing a reply to come through. If Jamie ignored my text, that meant he really didn’t want to know me anymore, and that rejection would sting terribly. I wasn’t sure how I’d be able to go on knowing that our night together meant nothing.

  God, that was my problem, always wanting more than the world was willing to give me.

  I sipped my now-very-tepid coffee, and stood up to go back out into the office to congratulate everyone. Just because my existence was falling apart, didn’t mean that they had to suffer. I’d become accustomed to putting on a brave face recently, so one more day couldn’t hurt...

  Ring, ring... Ring, ring...

  As my phone blasted, I jumped up high in shock and my heart began to hammer. I feared that it might be my dad, trying to ruin my day with another unanswered phone call, but as I spotted the screen my pulse rate stopped dead.

  Jamie.

  “He... hello?” I stammered awkwardly. “Everything alright?” If he was going to ask me what was going on, I had no idea what I’d say.

  “Hey, Ashton, sorry it’s taken me forever to get back to you. Things have been... crazy.” He didn’t sound worried or angry, which only confused me further. “But it’s good to speak to you. How are you doing?”

  “Erm... okay I guess. How about with you?” This was getting stranger by the minute.

  “Thank you for your text message. I would love to meet up. How about I come to yours tonight and we can have dinner?”

  “Sure.” I was utterly blindsided. It was almost as if the last few days of sheer worry had been for nothing, at least on this front. “That sounds great, what about at eight-ish? That should give you enough time to leave the office?”

  “Yes, you too. I’ll see you then. Text me your address.”

  Once Jamie was gone, I felt a bright smile spreading across my lips, and a hot happiness finally settling in my chest. Yes, things were still a mess, I still had a massive mountain to climb, but at least I had something positive going for me.

  Jamie

  Excitement burst through my veins as I stood outside of Ashton’s home, with knowledge exploding in my brains. I couldn’t wait to see him again, and that showed on my bright, smiling face.

  It had been a long few days without Ashton, I’d missed him with every passing second, but I couldn’t see him until the time was right. I wanted, no needed, to have everything perfect before we spent any time together again, it was the only way that this could work out.

  Luckily, his message had come through right at that very moment.

  I stepped outside of Ashton’s apartment and raised my hand to knock on his door, pausing only for a split second while I considered how strange this was. My enemy was now someone I desperately needed to see, someone I couldn’t stop thinking about, the only face that could bring a big, bright grin to my lips.

  What a strange turn of events, and all because of some crazy loan shark that had decided to kidnap the wrong person. Maybe some good could come from something terrible.

  Knock, knock.

  I hopped from foot to foot while I waited for him to answer the door, anxiety and happiness bouncing up and down in my chest. I bit down on my lip, wishing I could calm my heart down, and I waited very impatiently.

  As the door swung open, Ashton’s face looked so gorgeous that my heart beat faster.

  His blond hair hung into his warm brown eyes. His cheekbones were so touchable that it took all that I had not to reach out and grab him. As soon as he spotted me, he grinned so brightly that my heart melted.

&n
bsp; “Hello there, it’s good to see you.” He stepped aside to let me in. “It feels like it’s been forever, doesn’t it?”

  “Yes, it does.” The formality between us felt stilted and staged, but neither of us quite knew how to drop it. “But a lot has happened for me, as I’m sure it has for you.”

  “Yes, we’ve been very busy picking up new clients...” his words fell apart as he realized that his business success was down to mine failing. “Well, I’m sure you know how it is.”

  His adorable face flushed with the redness of embarrassment, making me want to grab hold of him even more. “Anyway, I’ve cooked a nice meal for us, which I’m sure that we both need after our long week.”

  “Yes, I thought I smelled something lovely. Please, show me the way.”

  We sat at Ashton’s table and started to eat. As small talk flowed between us, I couldn’t help but notice that he hardly had any possessions in his home. It seemed like he’d sold everything that he could, or that he’d gone without to make sure that his company could succeed. Just because he’d made mistakes in the past, it seemed that this time he really meant to stick to it. This time, he truly did deserve saving.

  If only his father could see it... although maybe this time it was a good thing that he hadn’t.

  “Okay,” I wiped my mouth on a napkin and took a swig of the delicious wine Ashton had brought. “I do actually have something important to talk to you about.”

  “You... you do?” Tension flooded Ashton’s face. I could see him expecting the worst. “Really?”

  “I’ve been busy this week too, doing something to help... well everyone really.”

  “Right.” Ashton wasn’t sure that he could trust me yet, and that made me want to burst into laughter all over again. “And you want to talk about it?”

  “I tracked down your loan shark and I went to see him...”

  “What?” Ashton declared, half angrily, half fearfully. “You did what?”