Seven Groomsmen from Hell Read online

  All of that would have to wait though. I was running the risk of being ex-communicated and possibly murdered if I touched her before the wedding.

  A week and a half never seemed so long.

  3

  Christian

  “Yes, I was looking,” Khloe admitted in response to Luke, shocking us all, “but I was only trying to verify that you weren’t, in fact, a woman, given how little there was to look at. What that Tanner bitch kept bragging about back in high school, I’ll never know.”

  “Oh!” All the groomsmen erupted into playful jabs at Luke’s expense.

  I chuckled at the mention of Luke and Khloe’s history. Khloe, of course, thought Luke was just being the same high school bully he’d always been, but we all knew that Luke had it bad for Khloe. He had ever since she first signed on as the wedding planner. He seemed content to let her think it was the former, so we did as well.

  “That was cold,” David said with a laugh.

  “That was deserved,” Kent added quickly. “Maybe he’ll learn to keep his mouth closed.” He picked up his steak knife and pointed it in Luke’s direction. “And if you dare burn the suit from my wedding, I’ll lift the ‘you can’t kill my groomsmen ban’ on Khloe and Anna. See how you fare then.”

  “Oh, please do,” Khloe said. “I’ve got a running list of all the ways I’d like to do him in.”

  “It’s a farce anyway,” I added, balling up one of my napkins and tossing it at Luke’s head. “Luke’s such a cheapskate, we’re going to be seeing that suit at every marginally formal event from now until his wedding, hell, maybe even his funeral.”

  “What’s the difference?” David replied, taking a healthy chug of his beer. “Wedding, funeral, tomato, to-mah-to.” He held his mug up towards Kent in a ‘cheers’ type motion. “Rest in peace, brother.”

  Brett reached across the table and swatted David across the back of his head. “Maybe the reason we call you ‘Doc’ is because you need a psychiatrist.”

  Kent clapped his hands. “Guys, focus,” he said. It took everyone a bit of time to calm down, but eventually silence befell the table and Kent motioned over to Khloe. “You have the floor.”

  Khloe smiled and it instantly piqued my interest. She was attractive, there was no doubt about that. When we weren’t giving her shit, her face had this calm, inviting look that made me want to sit down and get to know her better.

  “Well, I won’t take up much of your precious time,” she chided, the smile fading from her face. She reached into the red purse hanging over her shoulder, with the bag situated at her waist, and brandished a set of white envelopes. She started to hand them to each of us, all with our names written on the front. “Thanks to Kent’s big bucks, the travel arrangements to Puerto Rico have all been made, for my sanity, without your help. We’ll be staying at the El Conquistador Resort, and you all have all-inclusive, round-trip ferry rides to the Palomino Island where the wedding is. Your time is mostly your own, all I ask is that you’re punctual for the rehearsal and punctual for the wedding. Be brutes on your own time please.”

  Luke tossed his hand to his forehead like a soldier to a captain. “Yes ma’am, loud and clear. Anything else.”

  “Why yes,” Khloe said with a faux-sweetness, leaning in towards Luke. The tension between them crackled through the air. “If any of you miss the plane and end up costing this couple any more money than they’ve already spent, I will blind you with a spoon like they did that boy in Slumdog Millionaire.”

  Luke’s jaw tensed. He wanted to pounce. “You won’t touch me.”

  Khloe tilted her head, not realizing just how badly she was taunting the beast. “You’ll never see me coming.”

  She stood up straight to address the group again with a clap of her hands. “I know that we haven’t been a match made in heaven, but it’s not about us, it’s about Kent and Anna. So please get home safely, get to the wedding, and then you’ll be free to go your way, and I’ll be free to stop giving a damn.”

  She didn’t wait for a response. She turned, flicking her hair about her full face, and left.

  The guys all remained quiet as she walked out. It was unspoken among all of us, Kent included to a certain extent: Khloe was fucking hot.

  Kent finally let out a hollow whistle and tapped Luke’s shoulder. “Wanna get the next round with me?”

  “I would,” Luke responded, grabbing the bottle nearest him to empty it, only to discover it was already empty, “but my dick is harder than a fucking post. Rain check?”

  He too didn’t wait for a response. He stood up from the table, and stormed from the restaurant.

  Kent sighed. “What are the actual chances he’s able to resist her until after the wedding?”

  I shook my head with a chuckle. “Why don’t I buy you the next round?”

  The rest of the guys started laughing because we all knew that those chances were probably zero.

  4

  Khloe

  I felt like one of those cartoon characters with steam coming out of their ears. If all I had to do was usher six of those assholes through this wedding, I could probably do it without issue, but throw Luke into the mix and it made me want to give Anna her money back and walk away without another word. Every person who offered me a friendly smile and a “Happy Holidays!” as I walked along ran the risk of getting full-fledged cussed out as I wanted to take my anger out on anyone or anything I could.

  It was a good thing when I was finally angrily shoving my apartment key into the lock to let myself in. “Fucking asshole Luke,” I hissed. I stormed into my apartment, tossed my purse and keys to the table by the door, and made my way immediately into the kitchen for a bottle of wine. “Wouldn’t touch him? He’d be dead before he heard me.” I popped the cork and, not even bothering with a glass, I pressed the glass bottle to my lips and tipped it, tasting the sweet, white wine as it passed down my throat.

  I spent the next few minutes changing into more comfortable clothes. I donned a pair of leggings and one of my favorite fuzzy hoodies, put my hair up in a messy bun and then returned to the kitchen to make a mimosa and pretend I wasn’t just flat out day-drinking. I went and curled up on my bed, played music, and did my best to calm my mind, but it didn’t work. As I was sitting there stewing over Luke, my mind drifted back to my high school days. I was the resident fat-girl, and the target victim of the head cheerleader Tanner and her boyfriend Luke. My weight was just a gateway drug to ‘ugly,’ ‘nerd,’ and ‘idiot,’ despite the fact that I have always been quite beautiful, never considered myself much of a nerd, and always got above average grades.

  I assumed they just liked picking at the low-hanging fruit. One time, I was coming back from gym class and went in to change, to find that my clothes were gone and only a three sizes too small cheerleading outfit was left in its wake. With no way to call for help, and no one around but undoubtedly the bullies who were torturing me, I had no choice but to squeeze myself into the cheerleading outfit to at least go for help. When I opened the door to leave, at least half the cheerleading squad and their football boyfriends were standing there, cameras ready, which immediately started flashing the second I appeared. The blinding bright flashes paralyzed me in fear until I was finally able to back up enough to re-enter the locker room, slamming the door shut behind me.

  I wasn’t certain how long I holed up in that locker room, crying my eyes out until they were raw, but eventually a guidance counselor came, who brought me a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt, and helped me get out of the locker room and home without additional ridicule. I couldn’t go to school for an entire week after that, and when I finally did return, I found that my tormentors’ punishment was so light that they were still giggling and pointing at me when I returned. A mere slap on the wrist for a lifetime of emotional damage.

  That was what I had for memories of Luke, and when I saw the other groomsmen with him, they reminded me of those assholes snapping pictures of me back then. He was as big of a jerk as they c
ame, and any company he kept had to be just as bad; of that much I was certain.

  I wasn’t sure exactly when I had fallen asleep, but I was awakened from my sleep suddenly by the sound of knocks on my door. I checked my watch and noticed it was almost midnight. Who the hell would be at my door so late? I rushed to my door, and opened it, shocked to find that my friend Jordan was standing on the other side. Her blond hair was a mess across her head and her red eyes were swollen and red.

  “Jordan?” Jordan was an old friend of mine that lived in Dallas. “You look awful.” I hugged her, pulling her inside and shutting the door behind her. “Well, you don’t look awful. You look beautiful as always, but you look like you’ve been through hell.”

  “I have been,” she replied. “Can I stay with you for a few days?”

  I couldn’t imagine what she had been through to make her suddenly need to stay with me, but if it was that important, it was worth refuge. “Of course. What’s going on?” I set her bags aside, helped her down to the couch, and then skipped to the kitchen to make her a mimosa and grab her a bowl of ice cream. I returned and handed them to her. “A mimosa.” I settled down onto the couch next to her and then tapped her leg. “Okay, out with it.”

  I listened as Jordan explained the situation she was in with the six men she’d fallen in love with back in Dallas. She started out as the nanny for their single dad’s club and eventually entered into a relationship with all of them. Unfortunately, she’d just received a random tip that one of them had killed their ex-wife, and she was worried she might be next. She was still trying to figure out what to do and needed to stay with me for a few days.

  Looking for a distraction, I decided to exchange stories with her about the seven idiotic groomsmen that had been forced upon me. I regurgitated to her in fierce detail the different bad manners of the seven jackasses I was tasked with corralling, spending probably too much time venting about Luke.

  “You did say when I spoke to you back at the beginning that you thought they were going to be a handful,” Jordan said.

  “I was right three months ago; feels the same now.” I looked at Jordan and she looked exhausted. She barely touched her ice cream or mimosa. I tapped her leg. “Come on. I have a spare bedroom with a super comfy bed you can stay in.”

  I got Jordan comfortable in the spare bedroom and watched as she immediately passed out, but with a forlorn expression on her face. I felt glad that I wasn’t in that situation. At least I hated the men I was intertwined with for the moment. I cleaned up our dishes and then returned to my own room and then drifted off back to sleep.

  5

  Mason

  Grocery shopping was my least favorite adult activity. At one point I considered paying someone to do it for me, but they didn’t get any of the things that I liked. After trial running a delivery service, I finally just decided to do it myself. In most cases, I considered it a nuisance, but god must have decided to award me for committing to such a mundane task because as I was sifting through the ribs, who else should round the corner, but Miss Wedding Planner herself. She looked more tantalizing than any of the meats in the section. She was wearing an army green, form-fitting romper, and a pair of roman sandals. Her hair was up in a ponytail and she was amusingly concentrated on the big cuts of beef.

  “Are you hoping it’ll talk to you if you stare at it long enough?” I asked.

  Khloe looked over, and then as soon as her eyes landed on me, she rolled her eyes. “Hey, Old Man.” She looked back at the meat. “I’m going to a party and I need big pieces of meat.” I snickered at the phrasing and then burst out laughing. A woman like her saying something like that was too good for words. She glared at me through a half-lidded gaze. “What’s so funny?”

  “You really should be careful what you say in public,” I responded. “Lest you get the wrong kind of ‘big meat.’”

  “You have a dirty mind,” she growled back. “I expected more from you. Maybe something immature like that from that moron Luke, but you’re the mature one of the group, or so I thought.”

  She didn’t wait for a response from me. She decided to abandon her meat and started to walk around me. I wasn’t the kind of guy that appreciated a woman walking away from him, or anyone for that matter, so I decided to say something that I thought would catch her interest.

  “You know less about Luke than you think,” I said.

  “I know exactly who he is,” Khloe retorted as she passed.

  “You don’t know that he wants to bend you over,” I spat out.

  There was a rattle to Khloe’s cart as she tripped over her own feet. The wheels screeched as she whipped it back around and turned to face me again.

  “What?” she yelped. “You’re even crazier than I thought, Old Man.”

  I snickered at the look of bewilderment on her face. I had her; hook, line, and sinker. “I’m crazy, but not about that.”

  “How do you know that?” Khloe asked.

  I shrugged. “I thought you had some meat to get to.”

  Khloe pointed a finger at me. “I control your life for the next two weeks. You will tell me.”

  I clenched my jaw. Khloe just didn’t realize how much of a tease she was. Telling me what I will and won’t do? I would love to show her exactly who was in charge between the two of us. There was more than one reason why that wasn’t a possibility, so I would at least settle for watching her squirm a bit more.

  “I’ll tell you,” I said. “Meet me at my car outside after you’re done with your shopping. I’ll answer any questions you have.”

  “You sound like a creep offering candy,” Khloe responded.

  I grinned. “Then I guess we’ll just have to wait and see if you come to the unmarked white van.”

  That time it was me who didn’t wait for a response. I pushed my cart away from her, smiling wide at the feeling of her eyes on me as I walked away. I finished grabbing my last few items, checked out, and brought them out to my red Dodge Charger. I leaned against the hood and took in the slightly cooler Texas air as I waited to see her leave the store. I knew she would come, but I anticipated she would stall a little bit; did she really want to know the truth about Luke?

  Eventually, I saw her rolling her cart out of the store with a purpose. She was storming right towards me and, damn, that girl was too sexy for her own good. The shorts of the romper clung to her thighs until the fabric gave way to her smooth, milky skin, and her breasts were spilling out over the top of the v-neck of the top. I could see myself flat out ripping it off of her and replacing it later; she was a temptation on legs.

  When she finally made it to my car, she jabbed a finger into my chest. “Out with it.”

  I motioned my head back towards my car. “Get in.”

  “Get in?!” she barked. “Next you’re going to ask me for my social security number.”

  “Come on, stop being so dramatic. You want to know, don’t you? He’s a famous football player, I’m not gonna talk about him out in the open,” I explained.

  Khloe looked around the parking lot of the grocery store and then finally rolled her eyes and walked around to the passenger side of the car. She climbed in, and for a brief moment I did imagine driving off immediately, taking her to my house, and having my way with her, but I abstained. The smell of a flowery lotion filled my car and reminded me how much I missed the general presence of a woman around me. I could only imagine the rest of the guys felt the same, most of all Luke. There was just something about having access to something sweet that Khloe was giving me intense desire to have.

  “Okay, I played your weird grocery store secret game, I’m sitting in your car. Tell me about Luke,” Khloe demanded.

  I laughed. “There isn’t much to tell. He’s got the hots for you. Bad.”

  Khloe scoffed. “That’s a lie.”

  “Believe me. I’ve seen enough of him nearly busting out of his pants to tell you with certainty. The man wants you bad. We all know it, even Kent, probably Anna too. The o
nly one who doesn’t know it is you,” I explained.

  I’d heard through the grapevine that Khloe and Luke had history, and not the good kind. He was a high school bully, and she was his victim. Hearing that he was attracted to her now had to be a bit odd.

  “You’re positive?” Khloe asked.

  “I’m not a liar,” I responded. “But listen, he would skin me alive if he knew that I told you. So because I told you, you have to promise to continue to play dumb.”

  “Believe me, I will hardly have to play at it,” Khloe responded.

  I decided to keep to myself that I was attracted to her too. I probably could have revealed some further information that would benefit me more, but it seemed more fun to just piss Luke off instead.

  “This will be our little secret?” I said, holding my finger up to my lips.

  Khloe sighed, still looking dumbstruck. “The secret is safe with me.”

  6

  Cody

  It had been a long week at the hospital, so I was glad when Kent invited me out to lunch and, thank god, the A&E department was slow enough that I was actually able to take a break to go and meet him. After doing a final check-in with all of my current patients and checking in with the nurses, I packed up my things and left the hospital. Kent sent me a text that he wanted to meet at a small bistro that was one of our favorites. The rest of our friend group ate almost exclusively at restaurants where the women wore short shorts and cleavage-revealing shirts, so when we wanted to satiate our more refined palettes, we had to do it alone.